Loss of an Endeared

Family is the most invaluable gift a lucky man gets for free. But pertaining to the increasing societal changes, Families have become rare unions. And even if some blessed ones continue to exist as “families”, they fail to achieve the basic purpose of a family, which is to share and spread love, finally falling into the already overflowing pit of becoming a "Dysfunctional Family". Parental Guidance is gone. The lovely friendship between siblings is rare to find. Grandparents are in the homes they seem to belong - Old age homes. In this circumstance, Can a family exist?

            It is evident from the way the world runs, that one must have some big "Tapas" points to even wish a family for oneself. While only a few are lucky and get families, even more blessed are the families that function in line with their ideals and live up to their purposes. It would be with pure happiness and pride that I will say, I am one among the lucky ones to be gifted with an incredible family. However, it looked like the man above desired remuneration for his exceptional job. He demanded the life of my Grandfather…or is there a better word to describe the man who had such significance in my life? And he took it leaving my life hollow with a gap that no one can ever hope to fill. However, it’s always pleasant to recollect memories of our endeared ones. My grandfather was unlike most I have ever seen. He was the best man to have ever stepped on this earth. To find a match for him would be an impossible. No adjective can ever describe him and hope to fill the void that his death created in our hearts.

Maybe, it is because that I was a very little girl when he died that the bitter memory of his death got securely encrypted into the dark corners of my heart. All was well, and we foolishly thought that it would end well too. But, NO. The master planner had already planned our fates and was waiting for the opportunity to implement them. Life and Death is a part of every Human’s life, they say. “But, only when we take in the loss, would we be able to experience the pain and drag on with a lifeless life”. It was October 8^th, 2003 that he was diagnosed with oesophagus cancer. But, he had his hopes high. We all held our hopes. While our house started to fill with the sense of longing and emptiness that comes when there is a doom looming near  He was cheerful and believed that he shouldn’t give up that easily on what was rightfully his. He was adamant and possessive of the invaluable place he occupied in our hearts. .

 We were starting to forget that we were having a very sick man in our house, but God remembered. He didn’t want us to be oblivious of the impending disaster. Three months after peace with his health, he coughed up blood. That day was what gave us a hint of his memory capability and the clarity of his plans. Every night turned out to be a nightmare. The man of our love started growing very lean. He ate nothing, He drank nothing. He lost weight from being 75 Kgs to a mere 40 Kgs. Day by day, Situations worsened. We decided to do what we can. We needed this man. This man was the lifeline to our family. We didn't want to lose to the game changer like cowards. He was admitted to the hospital under intensive care. But he knew. Grandpa knew that his life was approaching its end. He was strong. He was brave. He never even let us shed tears for him.

            The pain, both the mental torture and the physical agony he was undergoing, grew worse. Radiations and Chemotherapy…these pain giving reliefs started to become a daily routine. His life thrived with all that pain. It was on March 25, 2004, that he called my father, his only son, to proceed with euthanasia. I was overhearing on their conversation as a 6 year old. I did not understand it at that time. But, I grew to understand it. For those of you, who don’t know, euthanasia is the euphemistic version of mercy killing. It means, a person who is dying and suffering great agony can be killed under mercy. It isn't legal in India, but who cares? My father didn't. He couldn't see the man who fed him being fed through a pipe. No son can withstand watching such a scene.

If I were mature then, I wouldn't have let that to happen to my grandpa and slump to the man in the heaven to take him without a fight. I feel deep remorse and regret it till now that I let him die. He died a slow and a calm death. NO! No god could match him and fill the null and blank space he left with his death. It is hollow now and forever will be. HE WAS A MAN. God…Why are you so mean? Is this a game to you? Taking people’s endeared ones away from them? What are you? GOD? What an inappropriate name for someone like you. Experience the loss and you will realize the pain and the change a man undergoes after the loss…THE VACCUM.

Heaven, the place meant for the blessed and pure souls inhibiting a destroyer of lives and happiness? And also receiving his appreciation for the "Creating and destroying game" he does, and all this is a accepted just because that one is considered "Supreme"?! This is sure a weird world.

             

“Loss of your endeared ones will affect your life, but you have to live carrying on with a lifeless life…because that’s what LIFE is…” seems to say the thief of lives.